| Location | West Barnstable |
| Age | 19 years |
| Cause of Death | Suicide |
| Date of Birth | 10/12/1989 |
| Date of Death | 20/08/2009 |
| Visitors | 4,923 since 26/10/2009 |
| Creator |
My Angel, my AJ, left us on a Thursday. 19 years is just not long enough for us and the world to enjoy such a precious, caring soul. Such a smile, a sense of humor and a compassion for those he felt needed help the most. Such a great athlete, his best season was his senior year playing football for DY, what a record they had and the coach said they couldn't of done it without him! He always looked forward to playing for Team Cape Cod in the summer, catching for the best pitchers and complaining that his hand hurt, but loving it all the same. But his biggest love is his family. Trying to be the big tough guy with his brothers, Joey and Nicky. He loved to spin Joey up and then back down once he came after him because somehow Joey got bigger than him, bossing Nicky around simply because he was the younger brother, parties at Uncle Shines with the Living Legend and never being anywhere without his best friend, his Dad, Bigs. So much so, that he was starting a career in the same field, just like he had always said he was going to since the time he could talk, "I'm gonna work with you Dad and build a house in the back yard". You can't imagine how much we miss you, AJ. You are such a big part of our family, it is broken and we are left to pick up the pieces. I know you are trying to help us, I feel you, but it's not the same. We are trying ....
Happy 22nd Birthday
This is the 3rd birthday without you. We will go to the cemetary and decorate your tree like we do every year, we are miserable. This pain has not gotten easier. Every time I think I'm doing better, I realize it's only been a couple of days since the last time I broke down. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to have learn from all this. I can tell you since you've been gone I have learned that we have some amazing friends without whom we couldn't have gotten here, Auntie Kelly and Uncle Scott are unbelievable, one bad word from someone sends me into a depression that I negates any good anyone else has done, the person who said time heals all wounds - obviously never lost a child and how I wish I had taken more pictures. I honestly believe we did realize what was important - our children - there isn't anything we wouldn't have done for all of you. But even though these are important things to realize, I strongly believe I couldn't of realized them without losing you. It's too much and I am not strong, I am just doing what I have to do and I'm not sure if I'm doing it well enough. God, I miss you and I want you back. This is not the way it was supposed to be. I will keep an open mind and heart to see if there is something I am missing - help me please - not sure how much more I can take.
2 years
Yesterday came and went - we went to Mayflower beach in the morning and threw roses in the water - then the rest of the day just couldn't get out of bed. It's how I feel most days, but like the day you left I have to do it because that is what I have to do now. Not because I want to or because I enjoy doing it, I just have to. I am waiting for the day when something will be ok again. But still not yet - this pain is deeper than anyone could ever imagine - so I will walk through this life - the undead - waiting until I can breath like a normal person - wearing a mask of a normal person so no one will know how I am dying day by day - pretending that I am moving on, but how could I possibly move on without you? I miss you too much, you are far too loved and engraved on my soul - always with me, always with you. Kimmy
Christmas again
Another Christmas without you. I walked in your room, hoping for the only present I want and of course you weren't there. This life is unbearable. please help me. I can't do it. I love you so much and miss you always. Nothing is the same....
Happy 21st Birthday
Today is your 21st birthday. Did you think for a second that I forgot? How could I forget the 1st most important moment in my life. when everything was right with the world. When you came into it, when I met you for the first time, held you for the first time and saw your face. What a moment, I don't even have words to describe that feeling of overwhelming joy and elation of a gift that had finally arrived, not only after 9 months but of a lifetime of knowing that I was meant to be your mom. and now, not having you here to check on, to care about, to worry for , to hug, to look at, to be proud of, to yell at (even when I was laughing inside, which was most of the time) to go from one extreme to the next, is not right for anyone to bear, but most of all for a mother. I miss my son, I miss you and this is not right and it never will be. I am not right and I will never be. Our family is not right and it will never be. If I had just one wish - it would only be that you would be here with us like you were before all of this and I had a second chance to save you. Doesn't god think I'm worth that? and if I'm not, can't he see the beautifulness that is you and that you are worth a second chance? Talk to him, make a bargain, my life for you. I would do it without hesitation. - I hate this life and this heart you have given me - Sempre con me, sempre con voi, my love
Haven't been here in a while, gets harder all the time. I just don't want to believe it's real. The longer I get away from you the more I fear losing you forever. How is it that I am here, in this awful place without my whole family together? How did this happen? What did I do? I wish so much that you would come back to me, but that won't happen will it and I just have to gone on. I just don't think it will be possible. I wasn't meant to do this. I wasn't meant to be here without all of my children with me. I love you so much, I wish you knew that. My heart belongs to you and your brothers. I hope you all know that. I just wish you were here.
I will look for you when the time comes. Don't ever forget me because I will never forget your touch, your smille, your laugh. I will never forget you no matter how long it takes to be with you again. Find me and I will find you and we will all be together again. I love you - things will be right again.
The Mask
Don't think for a second when you see me smile, that I'm not thinking of you
It's just a mask I keep by the door that helps to get me through;
It's so I'll know when the questions come just how to respond,
I'll smile and say I'm doing fine, instead of screaming MY SON IS GONE!
Can't you see the tears that are streaming down my face
and every waking hour how I long to see his face?
To hear his voice, to hold him close as if it was yesterday,
oh to have those moments back, there's no price I wouldn't pay.
Can't you see my broken heart, in pieces on the floor?
That's why I keep this precious mask so close to every door.
But someday soon I'll take it off and no longer will I pretend,
because I'll be with you, my AJ and my pain will have an end...
As one year approaches
I don't know what I'm supposed to do. I guess I was fooling myself that maybe if I kept myself busy and kept things together I would only have to do this for a little while and you would come walking through that door, but that's not going to happen is it? The reality of that happening is sinking in and I don't know how to deal with it. I feel myself sinking, I don't know how to do this without you. This is not how it was suppose to be. We had all these plans. Plans for your future, plans for your wife, plans for your children, because you know you would of made a wonderful father, plans for trips together and now what, the only plans we have are to visit you at the cemetary. You have no idea how much my heart is broken - I will never understand why you left, why you had to leave and the only thing that keeps me going is the thought of maybe seeing you again. I have to be good so God will take me with you, because right now he really hates me or he wouldn't of done this to me or you.or our family. I miss you every second of every minute of every day. Always with me, always with you...
You have been in my heart and on my mind everyday since that horrible day. Even though I didn't hang out with you as much as i wanted to, when we were younger your family and mine got together quite a bit. You were such a happy kid and a loving person as the years went on. You are never forgotten and always remembered. I miss you.
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